Week Twenty Nine

So I never did hear the results of that glucose test last week. I did try to call and get the results, but it's pretty much impossible to just call and talk to someone at that doctor's office. I left a message for what seemed to be the right person, but I never heard back. I'm going to operate on the assumption that everything must be fine or I would've heard. I guess I'll find out for certain at next week's appointment (they're every two weeks now).

Nothing monumental has happened this week, but I have constant physical and mental reminders that things are breezing right along whether I want them to or not. My body, which at first seemed to be rather peppy about this whole growing a new creature thing, has started to grumble. I suspect my feet and ankles are swelling slightly, based on the lines my socks are leaving and the semi-snugness of my shoes. My allergies are extra sensitive and I have a constant low level, but noticeable, amount of head congestion. Fun fact: your body produces a lot of extra mucus during pregnancy!

But these are very minor things and I really am thankful for how smoothly things have gone physically so far. Of course that can't stop me from worrying about everything. My worrying is impenetrable! I can worry through any amount of goodness that might lead a sane person to relax. Currently my worry is that the Nubby is not quite as violent as she should be. Yes, that's right, on blogs and websites that I frequent, women are always talking about how crazy the kicks of their babies are. I have read anecdotes of vigorous kickers breaking their mother's ribs for crying out loud. But the Nubby's movements and kicks don't bother me at all. In fact, until I started worrying about them, I thought they were just adorable. Not jarring in the least, the delicate little flutter kicks of a polite young lady. But now what am I to think? Is she not developing muscularly the way she should? Does she not have the proper levels of energy?

And in proper moody pregnancy style, when I am not worrying, I am excited. Excited about setting up the nursery and excited about my baby shower this weekend. And just excited in general about meeting the little critter I've been hauling around for seven months now.

Here's a funny from fitpregnancy.com. It was originally published in 2007 so I just changed the date.

Owner's Manual

A product information guide and limited warranty for new parents

By Christian Thom

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are the proud owner of a 2009 model child. Your offspring has been issued a Social Security number (SSN) for registration purposes. Please present this number when product needs servicing. To identify make and model, locate adapter between lower appendages. If adapter is female (XX), you have a beautiful baby girl. If adapter is male (XY), a bouncing baby boy is yours.
NOTE: A complimentary head protector covers the XY model's adapter. Removal is at the owner's discretion.
WARNING FOR OWNERS OF XX MODEL! Beautiful is a relative term.
WARNING FOR OWNERS OF XY MODEL! Do not attempt to actually bounce baby.

PACKAGING
Baby comes wrapped in protective coating. Do not sign for delivery if this layer is missing or appears to have been tampered with. All extraneous material, including placenta, is not reusable and must be properly disposed of. A fuel line (UBC) connects model to host unit. Only a licensed representative should disconnect cord. Product should operate as a cordless unit for the duration of its lifetime. Batteries should not be inserted into baby.

WARNINGS!

Do Not use baby to block heating or cooling vents.
Do Not store foreign objects in baby's openings.
Do Not attempt to fold or compress baby into small spaces.

HELPFUL HINTS

• Gently jiggling baby in an up/down motion and patting on spine can remove air bubbles.
• For the first six months, power source can be sustained with FDA-approved formula (not included) or unpasteurized calcium and vitamin D source provided by mother unit.
• When programming and communicating with baby, exaggerating and articulating language with movement, as when talking with a foreigner, is recommended.
• Baby will not become self-cleaning for at least two years. It is recommended that porous surfaces be wiped at least twice a day and whenever leakage occurs. Unit may be lubricated using baby lotion, diaper cream or other nontoxic solvent.

TROUBLESHOOTING
Problem Baby won't shut down.
Try producing melodic and somniferous sound waves and repositioning unit using a pendulum motion.
Problem Baby leaks and discharges.
Try changing vacuum-sealed disposal bag (not included).
Problem Baby is not desired make or model.
Try living with this common problem. Do not try to change gender of model by attaching or removing X or Y parts.
Problem Baby does not resemble father unit.
Try calling local service center for confirmation of compatible programming code. Or skip previous step and get over it.

WARRANTY AND LIMITATIONS OF LIABILITY
WARRANTY FOR FULL RETURN WILL TERMINATE AT THE END OF ONE YEAR, AFTER WHICH TIME RESALE AND RELOCATION BECOME DIFFICULT. OWNER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR INDIRECT, SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL AND CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES CAUSED BY THE ABOVE MENTIONED UNDER ANY LEGAL AUTHORITY, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO DAMAGE TO PUBLIC AND/OR PRIVATE PROPERTY, HAVOC WREAKED ON MARRIAGE, AND LOST PROFITS, YOUTH, HAIR, LEISURE TIME AND SANITY. OWNER WILL COVER ALL COSTS OF DAMAGE TO AND MAINTANANCE OF DATA PROGRAMMED AND STORED IN SYSTEM OF PROCESSOR UNTIL EXPIRATION DATE OF EIGHTEEN (18) YEARS DESPITE PRODUCT'S INDIVIDUAL CLAIMS OF AUTONOMY.